Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Those American Girls: Abducted by Aliens?

ABOVE: Is this the ghost of former NYC Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia inspecting the scenery
as Debbie American (blond) & Alicia American (redhead) fail to notice?
All my conspiracy theory friends are buzzing about this new cartoon thing, “Those American Girls,” which they found out about on Twitter. They told me the girls had been linking to my blog and in fact I see that my views have gone up lately even though I hadn't added any new material for a while.

I began studying the girls, who claim to be a cartoon rock band (and in fact do have an album for sale at ), to figure out who they really are and who they really are working for. Unable to glean this information from what is available on the internet, including their popular Twitter page, I had my people fly them out here to the secret military bunker in my private jet for a personal interview/interrogation. The following is a transcript of said interrogation.


ALICIA AMERICAN: We are Those American Girls!

DEBBIE AMERICAN: Alicia and Debbie American reporting for doody!


SS: Is it true you're running for President?

DA: (Mocking me) Is it true you're running for President? Duh duh

AA: I don't know lover, is that the rumor?

SS: If you are running for President, don't you think you should be entering some of the Republican primaries?

AA: Oh my god lover, how gauche!

DA: Oh my god we like started our OWN party hooray!

AA: Deb shush, this guy is too small press to give big information to!

SS: What is the name of your third party going to be?

AA: We will be announcing that soon, lover, take a sedative!

SS: What is the platform of your party?

AA: We will be announcing one new plank in our Presidential platform shoes each day starting soon, lover.

DA: Hooray!

SS: Do you have a campaign slogan?

AA: Vote for an American This Time!

DA: Get it? Cuz like our like NAME is like American!

AA: But we are like too creative to like only have like one campaign slogan.

DA: "Put an American in tha Wite House Hooray!"

SS: What will be the theme song of your campaign?

AA: Every song on our album is our like theme song, lover!

DA: Yeah we say WE R THOSE AMERICAN GIRLS on almost every track, it's badass!

SS: Okay cut the crap-- where are you two really from?

DA: Wyoming!

AA: But she moved to NYC near me as a kid and we like became bffs in kindergarten.

DA: I luv u Lee.

AA: Not now, Deb but of course I love you as well, darling.

SS: Good Lord, I'm getting nowhere with these two. TELL ME NOW: Why did you decide to start your own third party?

AA: Oh my god why hasn't anyone else?

DA: Right?

SS: Assuming you are running, what would mark you as different from the other candidates?

AA: Well, we are far more consumer-friendly. If you don't like our position on an issue, just donate us enough money for us to afford to re-educate ourselves, and we are certain to come around to your point of view!

DA: In no time at all, yo!

AA: Someone like told us that this might not be legal, but we figure once we're President, we'll just make it retro-legal!

DA: Like Unka Dick did with torture Hooray!

SS: What is your #1 issue?

AA: OMG we don't like collect comics, sweetie.

SS: Are there skeletons in your closet?

AA: OMG I hope so!

DA: We could use that as a feature for “Haunted Humpday” on our Twitter Hooray!
 SS: Why should people vote for you?

DA: OMG so we can like legalize tha weed yo!

AA: Well, Debbie is running to legalize hemp.

DA: Hooray!

AA: However, if elected, I propose the death sentence for pot smokers.

DA: Booo!

AA: We figure, this way BOTH sides can feel like comfortable voting for us!

DA: Hooray!

SS: How do people donate to your campaign? Do you have a PAC?

AA: OMG right now you have to like donate to our manager on our blog

DA: They won't let cartoon characters have PayPal accounts. They h8 us cuz we R consrevativ women like Sarah Palin!

SS: You still haven't laid out what your qualifications are to be President.

AA: Is that a like question? Oh my god how long is this interview going to be? I have an appointment with Milo my hairdresser back in New York, darling.

SS: Okay okay I'll lighten up. What is your favorite book or magazine?

AA: I've been told to say like Atlas Rand "Ayn Shrugged"

DA: Or else The Bible!

AA: Oh my god thank you Deb I forgot. Our favorite book or magazine is The Bible. Yay!

SS: Who is your favorite entertainer?

AA: Besides ourselves? Tony Clifton.

DA: DEF Tony Clifton.

SS: Is it true you're CIA?

DA: Oh look what he did!

AA: Well you can't spell Alicia without CIA, darling!

SS: Stop playing coy!

AA: Oh my god if we stopped playing coy, we'd like lose half our audience!

SS: Which part of the Illuminati do you REALLY work for? Tell the truth!

DA: Whose Lilly Mumati?

AA: Honestly, darling, if we were to say we worked for the CIA, it would be an utter lie. For that reason we would like never say it!

DA: But it's like so much fun to like INFER it yo!

SS: You mean “imply.”

AA: Are you going to like plug our like album, genious? Or just give us gramma lessons?

SS: I'll mention it in the introduction, don't worry.

AA: Darling, “worry” is not in my like alphabet. “Annoyed,” however, is like on top of the list.

DA: Don't make her mad. You wouldn't like her when she's mad!

AA: Deb, that's from TV! Stop stealing other people's things! That's not your thing! Do your own thing! Oh my god!

DA: See what I mean?

SS: In my investigation of your background, one of the shocking things that turned up was this photo.

AA: El oh el, lover, oh my god!

DA: Nice Photoslop work, ha!

SS: I'm certain this photo is authentic, I have had the original negative studied by experts.

AA: Oh it was shot on film then, was it, lover? Like 35 millipeters or whatever?

SS: Do you think this photo will cost you votes in the 2012 election?

DA: Oh my god I like so wish that picture was real because I would love to like visit outer space and make new outer space friends hooray!

AA: Oh my god when the voters see how those mean aliens are like victimizing us abductees just because we are beautiful conservative women, they will come out to like vote for us by the like busload, yo!

SS: They don't like being called “abductees,” they prefer the term “experiencer,” as it puts them on more equal terms with their psychotic evil abductors.

AA: Yes and I say to you that we Experiencers will stand together bravely in the voting booth just the same as we do when we meet nightly with our kind, loving, compassionate, psychotic evil abductors!

DA: Hooray!

SS: Alicia, you've been called Frank Luntz's bastard lovechild. How do you respond to this accusation?

DA: I believe that was meant figuritanically! Duh!

AA: Debbie's very sensitive about our Daddies.

DA: Don't make jokes about our Daddies!

SS: So how exactly do two cartoon characters travel around and give interviews and so forth?

AA: Honestly, you are NOT like asking us trade secrets, are you, dear?

DA: However we do wanna thank tha little peeps like Lucy de Leche and Mcasual Jacques hooray!
ABOVE L-R: Debbie American, Jaxon the Pup, Lucy de Leche, Alicia American.
Photo by Jarl Sonkin & Peter Bernard

AA: Yes and the guy who helps with the music a lot, I forget his name but he's got some talent, too.

SS: Who does your Twitter?

AA: I do!

DA: She does!

SS: No, I mean who REALLY does your Twitter? What non-cartoon human is behind it?

AA: Oh my god do you like run into DisneyVille and rip the head off the Minka Mouse character to see who is like playing her?

DA: Oh my god, you like DID that? How could you?

SS: What? No, I didn't, I mean I wouldn't--

AA: If you didn't have us locked in a bunker under armed guard, I'd like storm out of here right now!

DA: Hooray!

  SS: Okay okay calm down, I won't ask you about your so-called “trade secrets.” Is it all right to ask to what you attribute your popularity on Twitter?

AA: Oh my god, our followers are like so badass! Special thanks to the Conservative Princess, yo! We have like huge contingents of ghost loving fans, tea party fans, music fans and Christians!

DA: Hooray!

SS: So are you two ghost-loving tea party Christian musicians?

AA: Hell we are now!

DA: Oh my god we like love our fans so much hooray!

SS: Okay I give up. Any final words to wrap up?

AA: Oh my god lovers out there in spooky UFO land, oh my god! Please like donate! Please like listen to our radio shows each Thursday at! Please like buy our album at! Oh my god please follow us on Twitter and like our band page on Facebook!

DA: Oh my god please like buy our t-shirts and ringtones and alcoholic utensils and underpants, yo!

SS: Classy way to finish up girls.

AA: But most of all, I want to hear about each and every one of you giving some love to our troops, yo!

DA: Yeah cuz Freedom isn't Dumb, yo!

AA: Oh my god, Deb, it's “Freedom isn't FREE!”

DA: I thought you told me NOT to like copy other peeps any more?

Visit Those American Girls online at and more!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Massive UFO activity in Japan prior to Earthquake

Ghost Hunters Wanted-- No Experience Necessary!

Do you have what it takes?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Thursday, December 30, 2010

One-Legged Bigfoot on Balcony in Harlem! (Pix)

An individual calling him or herself Randy Galachine sent me the above photo of a "magical bigfoot footprint."
S/he claims that the "print" was left by a magical one-legged red-eyed bigfoot-type creature who appeared on his/her balcony outside their apartment in Harlem, New York. "Randy" tells me, "When I saw the red-eyed one-legged bigfoot on my balcony, I ran for my phone to take a picture of it. By the time I got back, it was gone, and had left this enigmatic footprint behind."
"Randy" also sent the photo below, to provide some context to the mystery photo above:

 ABOVE: The view from the 17th floor looking down toward 125th Street.

How could any creature, one-legged or not, have managed to get onto Randy's balcony, left ONE footprint, then somehow disappeared? This is a mystery even Sgt. Saucer can't solve!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It's Mothman's Birthday!

It's Mothman's birthday! How old is he?
What's the appropriate gift to get him?
Loren Coleman has all the answers.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


PROOF of living dinosaurs?
This video (above) arrived with the map below pointing out the supposed location where it was shot (below).

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Alien Big Cat in Derbyshire?

I received this video from "Anonymous in Derbyshire" who tells me, "We've been losing dogs weekly as of late and so when I saw this cat as tall as a pygmie, I took out me camera and made a recording." I leave it up to the viewer to decide the veracity of the claims of the video submitter. If you would like to submit an anomalous video to Saucer Blast! just email Sgt. Saucer at

Monday, September 20, 2010

Mothman Plush Doll!

Wow! Get your own Mothman plush doll! Give the symbol of death to your child for his or her birthday!
This is for real! It's made by Silent Orchid Studio and is available for sale on Etsy right this second!
Go here:
Thanks to Rebecca from for letting me know about this!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Transvestite Space Alien Seen in England!

A councillor for the City of WInchester in England claims he has seen a space alien walking down the street wearing a blonde wig and women's clothing. He challenges his comrades to address this matter.
Read more about it here:
and here:

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Timothy Green Beckley on Coast to Coast AM Tonight!


Put the dog out, turn down the lights, kiss your significant other goodnight and turn up the radio and listen TONIGHT Wednesday, August 18th to our own UFO hunting, paranormal crazed Tim Beckley as he discusses his new book CURSE OF THE MEN IN BLACK with host George Noory. 
We are trying to arrange a special phone number where listeners can call in to the program to relate their own horrific encounters with those dreaded MIB who threaten, harass, molest and possibly even do away with UFO researchers who don't tow the line and do as instructed to remain silent.

Beckley will also discuss his recently released  REVEALING THE BIZARRE POWERS OF HARRY HOUDINI - PSYCHIC? MEDIUM? PROPHET? CLAIRVOYANT? Tim sees a great similarity between today's fields of UFOlogy and the paranormal to the glory days of                                            spiritualism that swept the world over a hundred years ago. He notes that many of the phenomenon reportedly observed in the seance room duplicates that of today's orbs, UFOs, levitation, teleportation and a host of other strange occurrences'.
He will also tal k about the constant bickering and backstabbing attitude of the debunkers and non believers toward the true
believer and those who claim to produce or are closely associated with such phenomenon themselves. Sherlock Holmes creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and
escape artist/magician and egotistical showman,  Harry Houdini carried on a bitter feud for years over such matters. Beckley compares this feud to
the one  between super psychic Uri Geller and arch debunker the Amazing Randi, an escape artist just like Houdini. 

Tim first met Uri Geller when the young Israeli came to the U.S. to be tested by several university research facilities under tight laboratory conditions. Beckley says he saw Uri perform some remarkable feats of an unexplainable nature which he does not believe involved any form of trickery. Two of the most remarkable events took place on a trip to Muhammad Ali's training camp in Deer Lake, PA.   MR UFO will also reveal that he knew the Amazing Randi and actually shared office space with him, Randi even discussing the idea that Beckley might work with him in the capacity of manager (which never came about). Beckley was also a guest on Randi's all night talk show back in 1965.

Coast to Coast AM is carried on over 500 stations in all 50 states. Check the C2C website for local affiliates.
We often listen ourselves on our lap top to streaming versions which can be heard during broadcast hours. Two affiliates we recommend are:  and
If you go to the KTLK link an hour ahead of time you can hear Darkness Radio one of our favorite paranormal programs where the host DOESN'T
spend half the time talking about himself or telling jokes which are by no means funny.

Call in Coast to Coast AM and ask Tim a question and have your friends listen as well.